I’m so glad the funeral is over and done with. It was very hard. I still cannot believe she’s gone. She looked so beautiful. I am so happy God took her but will miss her dearly. This is only happiness. Now i’m at the besch house in myrtle beach, sp joyful. Me and my brothers. All of them and their fiances and children, we had a blast!! It was so fun and just nice to see everyone get away from their problems!!❤️ family forever. Family over everything!! Love!!
always thinking.. Though it shall not be even relevant.. i keep thinking.. If i was really content w the person whom i “love” dearly.. Then why do i question it so much? nothing should be questioned, only praised. But i cant help it, and thou i cannot blame such on the devil because even now, that im saved, theyre still here.. As before. It’s sad. But because now i’m trying to really just figure it alll out. I do not want things to evolved around him, yet i cant help it. Its like tho i knw God is my ultimate soulmate.. How can the person im with be my soulmate but yet all i do all day is wish for him to be different. Im trying to work at it.. But, its like.. Things shall come differently. things should be different. this is not what ive longed for for the rest of my life. can i marry him if asked right now? Hell no. Not at all. i need to make some changes. Wether i really want to or not, but i have to move foward with my journey.. Key word… JOURNEY. im just puzzled. all the way. Only to feel that in my heart, this is one of the things that havent been settling right. granted, he doesnt even know how to be here emotionally. Since the day my aunt died, he hasnt asked me if i am okay. u knw, this seems to happen numerous times. But im going on vacation and to celebrate my aunt’s death for a week, so i shall see how things should b carried. im just, dissappointed and especially because we both have grown up to be different ppl.. since the birth of our relationship. i just dont know anymore.
And i ended up having that convo with him and telling him everything ive said in this post. He feels he’s too young to be stressed out and to deal with this. He feels i should move on and etc. yet, I didnt even get to finish saying much. Yet, He blocked me. or do not disturbed me. I shall not acknowledge any of it then. at the end of the day, you still abandoned me.. When i just wanted to communicate what i was feeling. You know.. Maybe this is rlly just what’s best. he even said he’s glad we didnt have any kids. youknow, thats how i know he’s not in it deeply w me.. Because granted if we did, it wouldnt matter if i was happy w him or not but because i have them. i have them to love and not him. He wasnt ready for anything anyway. Which is why i figured he isnt my soulmate anyway..he didnt want any of it but because hes so glad none of it happened anyway. but see.. If we were really soulmates. It wouldnt matter anyway, you’d be ready for whatever. iguess God really couldnt wait to see this pan out but because he was right from the jump.. Idek what i convinced God that he’s my soulmate. You know, it’s always funny how things work. But, honestly.. I wish nothing but the best for ol boy.
Auntie, bestfriend, Queen of Tea, I miss you oh so much. I cannot believe God called you home this early but he has answered your prayers. He has lifted your spirits and saved you. Now you can soar and fly freely. You are so amazing Auntie. I love you so much and will forever remember our memories. Youre all around me. I can feel it. I’ll never forget you. Fly Auntie, Fly.❤️
Today was such an amazing day. I got to spend it with my lovely sister shaneil. We went to the pool, watched movies, prayed and danced to gospel. We had such an amazing time. it felt so good. We had so many smiles on our face. Nothing is better than praising his name. We shall forever come together and praise his name. We love him so much, more than anything in this entire world. he is such an amazing man and so powerful. I am so inlove. Soooo inlove with the creator of this entire world. Forever God, forever. I will be with you forever.❤️
When I look at you
I think of you as my sunshine
You brighten my days whenever you can
You always find a way to make it fine
I love it when you do that
Brings a smile, makes me happy
Even on my worst days
You make me feel like I’m not crappy
I need you in my life more often
As you bring the best out of me
Hopefully you can look at what you do
And you can certainly see
You make me a different person
Whenever I see you
I think of you as my sunshine
And I also love you too
Yesterday, I could not hold it all in. i could not just continue to think so deeply about it, in a good way. So my boyfriend has asked/said me a couple of times so far, “you do not love me anymore?/!” And you know, I know why he says this, but because I love someone more than him, I LOVE THE LORD MORE THAN HIM, I LOVE JESUS MORE THAN HIM AND I LOVE GOD MORE THAN HIM. ALWAYS AND FOREVER. So that, that made me definitely start talking. I could not wait until Ive seen him to start talking and that is because hes asked such questions, could not hold it in anymore. He said it was okay for us to talk so I started talking. I asked him to change his life around and to surrender himself to God. To stop dancing with the devil but because the devil still has that one little claw stuck on his shoulder and will not let go. Sins are all around him. His music, how everything’s at a standstill. I had to remind him that he’s still on this earth. I had to remind him of the things hes been through but is oh so lucky and to have born a son. I had to remind him that he’s had numerous chances to die but didnt because God knew this time would come, God sent me to him for a reason. To help him to change. I dont want him to risk his life and surrender himself to sin. He said he would do anything for me, and thats why I am asking him to do so. He thought it was all about trying to see if God sends him a sign or etc. But i had to explain to him, it’s not about that. You have to reach out to God and he will accept you no matter what. He will touch you and speak to you and come unto you and live in you, but you have to want that and need that. He’s afraid. And told me that he was raised differently, but that’s not the case, because I was raised differently too. It’s not about how you were raised. It comes down to you being stubborn and ignorant. I was very much both. And i had to let that go because inorder to seek my God, youre going to become understanding and wise but you have to be wise to seek and to try to understand and become more wise. It’s all within. He needs peace. He just wants the money and fame but that’ll end your life sooner than later, that’ll keep the devil on your shoulder with a very tight grip. He told me he needs to think about it because his whole career will be full of sinning, and to me honestly, seems like right then and there he chose his career over him having true love with God and me, and with blessings and promises and children and nice blessed loved life for sins and money and being alone. I pray he comes around please I just pray he comes along with me on this journey. I will show him how great it feels, how happy you will be & how blessed you will feel. I will show him, and help him try to see himself but I cannot really help him. Because he has to want and need it all himself. I also told him how i would love for him to turn his music career around. Drop the whole money, drugs, robbing, killing act. Its so non pleasing, only pleasing to those who live in complete sins. I told him how he should express his stories and life troubles through music, send a message to those in need and who can relate and have a purpose in your music. I need him to really think with deep thoughts. I would even love if he ever came around to rap about God and how great he is in his own way and style. Create a new generation of music. Be yourself without worrying about social acceptance. Because that is the main problem right there. God would bless you with money the right way. You will be promised if you have God by your side. Praising the devil for money is not promised nor will it save you or keep you alive, nor will it ever solve your problems. You have potential now let God help you create a better world with it all. He wants you to become a King and stop being a boy who’s so tempted by that devilish thing called money. I also told him how I would love for him to do this so he can teach his son, so his son can grow and become a King and so his son can have blessings and create greatness in this world and know how to love and treat women of his own flesh and who becomes apart of his flesh. He will know how to become a man. He will know how to stay away from sin. I hope and pray he doesnt chose the devil and sins against us. Regaurdless, i will forever still pray for him. Ive asked God to come to him and to touch him some way some how, to please help him get to him. Find him please.
You are more than amazing. So much more than amazing. I’m so thankful for you. So blessed by you. Youve touched me, helped me uderstand and learn. To love you, to serve you for life. You are my father, lord, king & soulmate. Forever we shall hold eachother’s hands & forever continue to teach. Youve blessed me so much and in so many ways. i feel you all around me. You saved me. You saved me and my bundle of joy. ❤️ i love you more than life itself. My king. My king👑🙏🙌