always thinking.. Though it shall not be even relevant.. i keep thinking.. If i was really content w the person whom i “love” dearly.. Then why do i question it so much? nothing should be questioned, only praised. But i cant help it, and thou i cannot blame such on the devil because even now, that im saved, theyre still here.. As before. It’s sad. But because now i’m trying to really just figure it alll out. I do not want things to evolved around him, yet i cant help it. Its like tho i knw God is my ultimate soulmate.. How can the person im with be my soulmate but yet all i do all day is wish for him to be different. Im trying to work at it.. But, its like.. Things shall come differently. things should be different. this is not what ive longed for for the rest of my life. can i marry him if asked right now? Hell no. Not at all. i need to make some changes. Wether i really want to or not, but i have to move foward with my journey.. Key word… JOURNEY. im just puzzled. all the way. Only to feel that in my heart, this is one of the things that havent been settling right. granted, he doesnt even know how to be here emotionally. Since the day my aunt died, he hasnt asked me if i am okay. u knw, this seems to happen numerous times. But im going on vacation and to celebrate my aunt’s death for a week, so i shall see how things should b carried. im just, dissappointed and especially because we both have grown up to be different ppl.. since the birth of our relationship. i just dont know anymore.
And i ended up having that convo with him and telling him everything ive said in this post. He feels he’s too young to be stressed out and to deal with this. He feels i should move on and etc. yet, I didnt even get to finish saying much. Yet, He blocked me. or do not disturbed me. I shall not acknowledge any of it then. at the end of the day, you still abandoned me.. When i just wanted to communicate what i was feeling. You know.. Maybe this is rlly just what’s best. he even said he’s glad we didnt have any kids. youknow, thats how i know he’s not in it deeply w me.. Because granted if we did, it wouldnt matter if i was happy w him or not but because i have them. i have them to love and not him. He wasnt ready for anything anyway. Which is why i figured he isnt my soulmate anyway..he didnt want any of it but because hes so glad none of it happened anyway. but see.. If we were really soulmates. It wouldnt matter anyway, you’d be ready for whatever. iguess God really couldnt wait to see this pan out but because he was right from the jump.. Idek what i convinced God that he’s my soulmate. You know, it’s always funny how things work. But, honestly.. I wish nothing but the best for ol boy.