I just.. I just think I’m worrying too much and being stressed isnt the best decision for me rn. I know what I need to do, yet it just seems so out of touch. im really trying to be optimistic w this whole love thing but like i feel like ive been waiting for 100 years and not just 1. I feel disconnected. Distant. Gloomy. This isnt making me happier, this is sad. Especially if a person swears up and down that he loves me. like i just feel like its not really love and if I should help it get there, which i know i  can but he doesnt know the way he makes me feel is because of him and the way i act towards him is because of the way he acts period. I try. With God i am already happy, i wakeup happy and want the best for everything but he just changes that. Its like I’m i that invisible? Am i asking for that much. Im only asking for the obvious. Im scared and afraid. I shouldnt be. Love shouldnt make you scared and afraid and guess. but with him, with myself I know i can, it’s just why wont he leave the picture? Is it because he’s supposed to be here or is it because I keept dragging him? idk, I know i need to fall back. I need to relax and focus on me. This is my journey, not his.


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